The Concepts of Masculinity and Femininity

Recently I watched an interesting comedy called “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”. The movie was about a man called Peter, who became sorrowful and depressed after being dumped by his girlfriend, Sarah Marshall. Not being completely healed, he got tangled in a series of awkward situations with his ex-girlfriend and her new boyfriend when they accidentally share the same vacation destination. The movie makes the audience sympathize with Peter by making him the odd one out, portraying his lack of masculinity by contrasting him with other male characters. When he was sober, his brother-in-law constantly asked Peter to forget his 5-year relationship by having one night stands. The waiter at the hotel restaurant felt bad for him for being alone during the vacation. And others told him to find a new show, stop weeping, and complaining about how he was dumped. So… does a man have to be tough even in the most miserable times? Not be bothered by emotional attachment? Have a girl by his side or get laid with many girls to feel superior? Then there was a contrasting character, Sarah’s new boyfriend, who was characterized as “the man”; he was good at sex, good looking, and a jerk. While watching the movie, I constantly picked up rules that constitute a “real man”. It seems that simply being biologically male is not enough, but an identified male must display traits and behaviors that denote masculinity.
Hanne Blank points out that “heterosexual”, is no more or less a synonym for “sexually normal”. Normal refers to commonness, and being normal is conformity with expectations. As I grow up and watch other kids around me grow up, I realize that boys are expected to be masculine while girls must be feminine; that is engage in behaviors whose meaning are more masculine or feminine, respectively. For instance, men must behave in a more dominant, competitive, and autonomous manner. But what does masculinity/femininity really mean? Why is it not okay for men to cry when it is simply an act of expressing emotions? Why is it not acceptable for women to be promiscuous when they also have sexual desires like men? It seems that it is not the behaviors themselves that are important, but the meanings implied by those behaviors. The differences in behaviors are not constituted by male/female biological differences, but the differences in socialization and the cultural expectations held for each sex. Self-meanings regarding gender are formed through interaction with parents, peers, and educators. These gender conceptions are then transmitted through institutions such as religion and educational systems that fixate stereotypes on individuals. Overall, masculinity and femininity have nothing to do with gender, but they are the rules set by the society that individuals are expected to live by. It’s funny how we must behave certain ways just to fit in, justify our genders, and be “normal” in others’ eyes, when our freedom is so restricted by those rules.